It took me a while to realize that she is not going to return ever. After all those noise – the sirens of ambulance , the crying , the chaos , the panic that lasted for days – silence has finally found its space in this home. But this silence was not the usual one , it felt different.
Everything in this house depended on her. The day began and ended with her – waking us up , preparing food for us , planning the day , planning celebrations , planning surprises , tucking us to sleep , taking care of us when we are sick – everything. I don’t know how we are supposed to manage without her.
I still remember the surprise party she arranged for Neha’s birthday. And the way everyone were whispering secrets to each other till that day. Neha had gone out to her friend’s house, and we all turned off the lights and hid ourselves in all possible corners. And when she opened the doors, we all sprang on her with bursting balloons and pops. The glitter filled the entire room , catching the lights as everyone laughed. After everything settled it took a huge effort to cleanup the entire mess , I helped her till late night as much I can.
These days, the mornings sound different. It’s no longer the playful clamor of before — it’s harsh, frustrated shouting. Today – the keys were missing from the bowl, and the papers needed for the day were nowhere to be found. The milk packets were not picked from the door , dishes were lying to be cleaned. The cloths were not ironed , the lunches were not packed , the medicines were not given. Everyone was shouting “Anjali…” or “Anju…” and each one of them lowering their voice later realizing she is not there anymore. The disorder now is constant; it feels like the very corners of the house are fraying without her hand to hold them together.
I found her yoga mat and her shoes near the cupboard today. That was a routine everyday . The corner of the room where everything suddenly slows down and calmness spreads. After the chaos of rush in the morning , this time was my favorite too. Before she starts the yoga , she used to turn on that humidifier which starts spreading a mist in the room with soothing smell.
I keep going back to the place she settled last, near the window where she liked the morning light. The chair she used to read books. The floor is cold in that corner, but the light is good.
It has been a while Neha has left home for her studies. She used to come home weekly; it became monthly and then she rarely started coming. She is back now and looks like she is going to stay. I tried couple of times to see how she is , but she ignored my presence. She has grown up now. She has changed a lot. Long hairs and sturdy walks. The dresses she wears has changed a lot , but the cream she uses, and its smell is still the same. She washes her dishes and cloths herself now. Tries to cook something , tastes it but most of the times it ends up in the dust bin. I did try to taste it multiple times – it was indeed horrible.
I found Neha sitting near the chair on floor today , she was holding mother’s red scarf. Looking up the window she was crying. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. I know she misses her as much I do. But this has to end , we can’t continue this way for long. I walked to her , she has been ignoring me ever since she came back. She hugged me and started crying harder. Her tears rolled down to my face. She wrapped Mother’s red scarf around my neck and tied a knot.
I wagged my tail and started licking her face.